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In which I display rampant hobophobia

Lying in bed last night, half asleep and half awake, I heard my bedroom door open and close, and someone slip in quietly. I was afraid to open my eyes, because I knew I would see a hobo in my room, come to steal my air conditioning. By that I don't mean he was going to actually remove my window unit and take it away, I mean he was there for my cool air, and he was going to lie on the floor next to my bed and perhaps do strange, creepy things, as if coming into my room in the middle of the night and lying on my floor wasn't strange and creepy enough. Luckily James was there beside me, and I knew as soon as he saw the hobo he would yell and make intimidating gestures and make the hobo go away. If only he would wake up he would surely notice the large hobo looming next to my bed. If only he would....wake up!! Unfortunately my terror by this time had grown so great that I couldn't even scream, which was what I really, really wanted to do. Instead, all I was capable of was this "Mmmmmm! Mmmmm!" shriek with my lips pressed tightly together. "Mmmmm! Mmmmm!" I shrieked. "Babe, wake up," James said. "Mmmmmm!!!" "Babe, I think you're having a bad dream, wake up." "Mmmmm!" I shrieked, which clearly meant, 'I am awake, which is why I'm shrieking in terror with my lips closed and if you would just turn your head a little to the left you would see what I'm Mmmming about.' I did finally manage to open my lips enough to whisper, "There's someone in the room!" "There's no one in the room." "Are you sure?" "Yes." "Did you look?" "I looked." "Can you look again?" "There's no one there." "There's no hobo in the room?" "No babe, there's no hobo." That was a relief, but I did check for myself, just to make sure. And yes I'd had four gin and tonics before bed, what of it?

Aren't those the scariest dreams when they feel SO real? Glad you had someone there to hug when you woke up sweat-drenched in fear . .


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